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Encountering refusal, notably when it happens repeatedly, is not a great feeling. An editor is saying no, giving a clear “Not interested.” Being an author, I am familiar with setbacks. I commenced submitting story ideas half a century past, just after completing my studies. Over the years, I have had several works declined, along with article pitches and numerous essays. In the last score of years, focusing on commentary, the refusals have only increased. On average, I face a setback every few days—totaling over 100 each year. Overall, denials in my profession run into thousands. Today, I could have a PhD in rejection.

But, is this a self-pitying rant? Absolutely not. As, now, at seven decades plus three, I have accepted being turned down.

How Did I Achieve This?

A bit of background: Now, just about each individual and others has given me a thumbs-down. I haven’t tracked my success rate—doing so would be very discouraging.

As an illustration: recently, an editor turned down 20 submissions consecutively before saying yes to one. A few years ago, over 50 publishing houses declined my book idea before a single one approved it. A few years later, 25 literary agents passed on a nonfiction book proposal. A particular editor suggested that I send potential guest essays less frequently.

The Seven Stages of Setback

In my 20s, every no stung. I took them personally. It seemed like my work was being turned down, but myself.

As soon as a manuscript was rejected, I would go through the process of setback:

• First, surprise. What went wrong? Why would editors be ignore my skill?
• Second, refusal to accept. Surely you’ve rejected the incorrect submission? This must be an oversight.
• Third, dismissal. What do editors know? Who made you to hand down rulings on my work? You’re stupid and the magazine is poor. I refuse this refusal.
• Fourth, irritation at those who rejected me, followed by frustration with me. Why do I subject myself to this? Could I be a martyr?
• Subsequently, negotiating (preferably seasoned with optimism). What does it require you to acknowledge me as a unique writer?
• Then, depression. I’m no good. Additionally, I can never become accomplished.

So it went for decades.

Notable Examples

Of course, I was in excellent company. Tales of authors whose work was originally rejected are legion. The author of Moby-Dick. Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein. James Joyce’s Dubliners. The novelist of Lolita. Joseph Heller’s Catch-22. Virtually all writer of repute was initially spurned. If they could persevere, then possibly I could, too. The basketball legend was dropped from his school team. The majority of Presidents over the last 60 years had previously lost elections. The filmmaker estimates that his script for Rocky and desire to star were turned down repeatedly. For him, denial as an alarm to wake me up and keep moving, rather than retreat,” he stated.

The Seventh Stage

As time passed, as I reached my senior age, I achieved the final phase of rejection. Acceptance. Today, I more clearly see the many reasons why a publisher says no. To begin with, an editor may have just published a similar piece, or have one in progress, or just be considering a similar topic for another contributor.

Alternatively, more discouragingly, my submission is not appealing. Or the reader feels I lack the credentials or stature to succeed. Or is no longer in the business for the wares I am peddling. Maybe was busy and read my piece too quickly to recognize its abundant merits.

You can call it an awakening. Anything can be rejected, and for numerous reasons, and there is pretty much little you can do about it. Many reasons for denial are forever not up to you.

Manageable Factors

Some aspects are under your control. Let’s face it, my pitches and submissions may occasionally be flawed. They may lack relevance and impact, or the message I am attempting to convey is insufficiently dramatised. Or I’m being too similar. Maybe a part about my punctuation, notably commas, was unacceptable.

The key is that, in spite of all my long career and rejection, I have achieved widely published. I’ve written two books—my first when I was 51, my second, a personal story, at older—and more than 1,000 articles. These works have appeared in newspapers large and small, in local, national and global outlets. My first op-ed appeared decades ago—and I have now written to various outlets for 50 years.

However, no blockbusters, no book signings in bookshops, no spots on TV programs, no Ted Talks, no honors, no big awards, no international recognition, and no medal. But I can more easily take no at 73, because my, admittedly modest successes have softened the stings of my many rejections. I can choose to be philosophical about it all at this point.

Instructive Rejection

Denial can be helpful, but when you pay attention to what it’s indicating. Otherwise, you will probably just keep interpreting no’s all wrong. So what insights have I gained?

{Here’s my advice|My recommendations|What